hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
