Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
