No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
