ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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