Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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