If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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