I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
