You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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