Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
