I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize