I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
