I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
