I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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