Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
