Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
