Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
