until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
