If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
