**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
