he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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