Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
