and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
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the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
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