She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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