i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
