It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
