Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
