I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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