Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
