Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
