I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
