he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
a search helicopter?!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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