can u get pink eye on your cock?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
