You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I looked at my own cervix.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
