Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
