I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
