i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I pour the whiskey from now on
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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