Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
