If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
