I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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