Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize