I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
