i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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