I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
