on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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