That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
