why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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