i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
