i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
