I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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