I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
