I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
