So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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