My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
whose parrot is this?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
