The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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