After last night, I could never be a politician.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
not ubering you a puppy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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