ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
