i will never coherently bang her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
