My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
