I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
