Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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