my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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