can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
