I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
