Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
