what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
