we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
