Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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