If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
