Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want her autograph on my taint
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
