Say something about gay babies.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
