you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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